July 29, 2012

Action Breakdown #14: Action Movie Kids

It seems like action movies need a few things in order to be made. A badass action lead, an evil villain, lots of explosions, and a kid. One of these things is not like the other, doesn’t it? Well, like them or hate them, kids in action movies can be one of the driving forces in the movie in terms of the reason behind the violence or the one who started it.

Personality: It seems like every kid in an action movie has to be sarcastic. Sarcasm is their coping mechanism I guess. Whenever the hero tries to save them, they become Chris Tucker all of the sudden and start releasing these little quips at them. You do understand he’s trying to save you? Don’t be such an unappreciative jokester. They can also be very whiney and the tendency to fuck everything up.

Kidnap-Prone: Every kid in an action movie has to be kidnapped. Whether it’s Harris in Last Boy Scout, Danny in Last Action Hero, or Jenny Matrix in Commando, they are the Disney Princesses of the action genre. They drive the plot along to allow our heroes to kick ass. So in a way, if it weren’t for these kids, there would be no movie.

Hall of Fame: John Connor has to be one of the greatest action movie kids ever. Yeah, he’s a cocky little prick, but he gets to save the world from the machines. What kid has that in their future? Jenny Matrix is a standout because she actually escaped her kidnappers and didn’t whine once. Danny Madigan from Last Action Hero lived the fantasy of any action fan. Getting to be in a movie with Arnold and getting a kiss from Bridgitte Wilson. Lucky bastard. I even have a soft spot for Short Round. Darian Hallenback has to be one of the most badass.

Hall of Shame: Jake Lloyd from The Phantom Menace clearly deserves to be here. An annoying character that might even surpass Jar Jar Binks in terms of ear bleedingly annoying presence. Dakota Fanning in War of the Worlds deserves a special place in hell also.


Well, there you have your child action stars. The ones that give our hero a reason to fight for or maybe someone to smack around.

About the Author

My name is Omar and I love action movies. I grew up loving action films thanks in part to my father who would deliver a healthy dose of Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, and Seagal in my movie diet. Ever since then, I continue to love the genre more and more and go along perfectly with my love for the horror genre. What other movie genre can specialize in giving you pure adrenaline and excitement in every turn?



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