July 29, 2012

Action Hero Energy Drinks

Energy drinks are the rage these days. There’s an energy drink with just about every single flavor and all kinds of sugar and industrial crap to keep you wired for hours and crash for another two days. That got me thinking: where are the action star energy drinks?

Just think about the possibilities:


Arnold Schwarzenegger: Schwarzenegger introduces his new energy drink “AUGHGGAHSGHAGAHA!!” This new energy drink packed to the brim with Austrian produced sugar will increase your muscle mass, give you the ability to kill robots, ability to say one liners, and enough energy to make you make love to ten beautiful women.

Sylvester Stallone: Stallone’s “Yo” energy drink will give you indescribable amounts of energy that you will leap over mountains instead of hanging from them.

Jason Statham: Statham’s energy drink “Strawberry Tart” will increase your sex drive so much that you can bang twenty Amy Smarts in the middle of Times Square.

Scott Adkins: An energy drink that guarantees a badass Russian accent along with the ability to beat up prisoners and ninjas. Try “KickAsskins”.

Dolph Lundgren: Packed with enough guarana and Russian science juices that you can break anyone you wish. Try some “Neck Snapper”.

Chuck Norris: You will grow a new fist, frighten Boogeymen, create rap music with your heartbeats, and spin kick the planet Mars. Drink “Nornergy” or he will find you.

Bruce Willis: His new energy drink “Yipeekiyay” will enhance your sarcasm to ridiculous levels. You can make jokes like nobody’s business.

Jean Claude Van Damme: You can kick the shit out of anyone with his energy drink “Chance Shot”. Hell, you could even break dance with the best of them.

Mel Gibson: Your insane in the membrane button will switch off and you can grow a mean mullet and join forces with aging black dudes. Take a sip of “Sugar Tits”.

Jet Li: You can kill people with any household object. Including jelly donuts. You will also have the ability to fight in slow motion. Try Li’s “Hidden Rush”

Liam Neeson: Too powerful to contain. Banned in the USA.

About the Author

My name is Omar and I love action movies. I grew up loving action films thanks in part to my father who would deliver a healthy dose of Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, and Seagal in my movie diet. Ever since then, I continue to love the genre more and more and go along perfectly with my love for the horror genre. What other movie genre can specialize in giving you pure adrenaline and excitement in every turn?



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