August 30, 2012

Henchmen Required








Here is your opportunity to see more of the world! And possibly destroy it. Our organization is looking for a candidate who will not question orders, kill upon request and will most likely die in an over the top fashion.


  • Applicants must say little or nothing, ideally be from Eastern Europe or Asia and be built like a tank. We are however an equal opportunities employer and will consider all races/genders.
  • Must be able to fire a gun but always miss the target, even if it is 2 yards away.
  • Arrogance essential in order to taunt targets, just giving them enough time to work up enough strength to beat/kill you.
  • You must have solid experience as a mercenary or similar with some martial arts skills, however it must never exceed the skills of your employer.
  • Although not necessary, if you can demonstrate how tough you are by beating up/killing other fellow henchmen, a bonus may be given.
  • Applicants must be prepared to give their life for the employer as the Manager may grow weary of being surrounded by fools and kill you on a whim.
  • It is preferable, but not essential that applicants do not have families who may ask questions if the applicants… disappear.

Location: Hollowed out volcano/hilariously over-sized compound.

Hours: 24/7, but you’ll probably only live for an hour and 20 minutes.

Salary: Negotiable, however applicants will likely not live long enough to receive 1 paycheck.

To be eligible for this position, applicants must provide a proof of employment record, preferably the heads of your enemies, however as we are feeling lenient, any body part will suffice.

If this position is of interest please contact us by telephone on 1-800 – EVIL.


PLEASE NOTE: We do NOT tolerate failure.


About the Author

Eoin Friel
Eoin Friel
I grew up watching JCVD, Sly and Arnold destroy bad guys, blow things up and spew one-liners like it's a fashion statement. Action is everything I go to the movies for and the reason I came up with this site is to share my love for the genre with everyone.



New Trailer for Jackie Chan’s Bleeding Steel

Jackie Chan struck gold with this year’s The Foreigner; can he do it again with Bleeding Steel? Check out the latest trailer below! Plot: Jackie Chan stars as a hardened special forces agent who fights to protect a young ...
by Eoin Friel


A Tribute to Colonel Stewart

Whenever people talk about the best Die Hard saga villain they always say (correctly) that it’s Hans Gruber, played with relish by the late great Alan Rickman. I’ve always found though that one Colonel William Stewart (the ...
by Eoin Friel


New Trailer for Den of Thieves

Plot: A Los Angeles crime saga in the vein of “Heat”, DEN OF THIEVES follows the intersecting and often personally connected lives of an elite unit of the LA County Sheriff’s Dept. and the state’s most successful bank r...
by Eoin Friel