January 22, 2013

Action Hero Downtime

You want to know what our favorite action heroes do in their downtime? Well, I acquired some secret information about their hobbies and I’m here to present them to you!

Location: Stallone’s House

The doorbell rings.

Stallone: uhhhhh

He opens the doors and it’s Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Stallone: Yo Adrian!

Arnold: AGHH!! For the last time Sly, the name’s Ahnuld! Not Adrian!

Stallone: Come on man. Can’t take a joke?

Arnold: NO! I got my ass beat by some kids being taken cared of a ghost and Jennifer Lawrence’s nice ass in spandex.

Stallone: Hey Arnold, come on cheer up. I went through the same thing in the early 2000s. Now I’m kicking ass with The Expendables and Bullet in the Head will put us on top.

Arnold: Whatever Sly. You know the fans love my movies better than yours.

Stallone: Oh yeah, I seem to remember you did some Collateral Damage to your career before you left to run down California.

Arnold: Whatever Mr. Stop or My Mom will Shoot!

They both start arguing and the doorbell rings again.

Willis: Oh fuck guys. You arguing again? Come on Arnie, you know things have changed. Don’t hard on yourself. Look at me. I’ve been floating on on straight to DVD movies. I’m still on for Die Hard 5 and acclaim for Moonrise Kingdom. YEAH!

Stallone: Die Hard 5? You mean A Good Day….

Willis: Hey! It’s called Die Hard 5. That’s that.

Arnold: Let’s go! Da game is about to stawt!

The doorbell rings again.


Stallone: Hey yo. Calm down.

Stallone opens the door to show Jason Statham and his cellphone.

Statham: Hey guys, guess what me and my girlfriend did last night?

Willis: For the last time, I don’t want to know where your dick has been. I get enough of you shirtless in your movies. I don’t more of that shit.

Statham: Come on.

He shows them cellphone pics of his girlfriend

Stallone: WOW!

Arnold: Incredible

Willis: Thank God it’s not you.

Arnold: Why do you do this to us?

Statham: It’s fun

Willis: What else is he going to show us? His box office results?

Willis, Arnold, and Stallone all laugh

They all stop and have a reflective moment about their current situation.

Statham: You know what? Let’s stop our self loathing. We don’t need no more  bloody pity. We’re the best that this genre can give and we have our fans that love us and that is all that matters.

Stallone: Damn right Jason.

Willis: Well said.

Arnold: YES!

Stallone: Yo, the game is starting.

They all sit in their respective seats with chips, beer, and nice tender steaks and cigars around as they enjoy the game.

About the Author

My name is Omar and I love action movies. I grew up loving action films thanks in part to my father who would deliver a healthy dose of Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, and Seagal in my movie diet. Ever since then, I continue to love the genre more and more and go along perfectly with my love for the horror genre. What other movie genre can specialize in giving you pure adrenaline and excitement in every turn?



The Do-It-Yourself Action Hero Kit

You’re brave, resourceful and always root for the underdog. Why not be a real-life action hero? The world is full of bad guys, from evil international criminals to local thugs who prey on the weak. It’s time for som...
by Eoin Friel


Legends of Action: Michelle Rodriguez

BirthDate: July 12, 1978 I often wonder why there are not more female action stars, then I sit back and think “Hold on! Michelle Rodriguez!” She is arguably one of the best female action stars of all time with several big b...
by Eoin Friel


Are You an Action Hero?

We’ve put together an essential checklist to see if you have what it takes to become the next action hero. Check it out below; are you the next McClane…. or the next Bieber?            
by Eoin Friel