January 26, 2013

Action Movie Logic 101

We all love action movies… unless you’re weird, but there are certain elements that must occur in classic action movies for them to be successful. Here are a select few.





The action hero will never look at an explosion; only walk away from it in slow motion.

The bad guy will never die once; when the hero is about to walk away, the villain will jump up forcing the hero to unload an entire clip from his gun into the bad guy’s chest.

The hero will have a shed full of weapons in the back yard and yet the cops will not have a problem with it.

Villainous henchman will be terrible shots and always miss, even if they are 5 yards away.

If a bomb is about to go off it will be defused with 1 or 2 seconds to spare, every time.

Being shot will kill a bad guy but only provide our hero with a flesh wound.

The hero will never be happily married, but divorced or close to it. The wife/girlfriend will always complain that he loves his job more than her. When she is kidnapped by the villain in the final act, the hero will save her, thus proving that loving his job more than her saved her life.

The rest of the police force will always arrive just after the bad guy has been killed.

The hero’s vest/shirt will somehow be removed in time for the final battle.

Every cop in the department is inept until our hero comes along and shows them what a real cop is like.

If you have a mentor… he’s dead before the end credits.

Helicopters will always explode.

The bad guy will capture the good guy but rather than just shoot him in the face, he will tell him his full plan, giving the hero enough time to escape.

The hero will always have a Jack Daniels bottle close at hand when shit hits the fan.

Only real heroes smoke cigars/cigarettes before kicking ass.

The hero must NEVER shave and always look dishevelled.

The hero will get his ass kicked for about 45 minutes, then remember something inspirational somebody said to him once and he’ll slowly stand up and beat the shit outta the bad guy.

One-liners are essential for a good action movie; if a bad guy gets killed, there’s a quip for that.

Action heroes never have to reload.


About the Author

Eoin Friel
Eoin Friel
I grew up watching JCVD, Sly and Arnold destroy bad guys, blow things up and spew one-liners like it's a fashion statement. Action is everything I go to the movies for and the reason I came up with this site is to share my love for the genre with everyone.



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