Wolfgang is traveling in outer space when a monster, which he sees as a beautiful woman, appears in his spaceship and makes love with him. Then the ship is forced to land on a planet which is a penal colony. Here he meets Miranda who falls in love with him. A group of prisoners uses him and his spaceship to fly away from the planet. But the monster which is by now inside Wolfgang arouses and only Miranda’s love can save him.


From Charles Band’s Empire Pictures, the woefully ill-begotten Transformations might be one of the cheapest and worst (and most creatively dry) science fiction action horror movies to come out of the so-bad-they’re-great club of elites. Space pilot “Wolf” Shadduck (Rex Smith with a cool mullet) is sleeping aboard his ship one night when a gross looking alien comes aboard, transforms itself into a completely nude sexy goddess and has sex with him, infecting him with a degenerating disease that is essentially a metaphor for space AIDS. He ends up on a penal mining colony run by a freaky priest (played by Patrick McNee) and his daughter (played by cute redhead Lisa Langlois), who immediately falls in love with him, and over the course of several days his disease turns him into a pustule-oozing glop monster who goes into sexual rages where he has gross sexual relations with the prostitutes of the mining colony. By the time he’s turned into the glop monster, the poor girl who’s fallen for him has to flame torch his ugly mug until he’s a puddle of goop. But there’s a happy ending when he rises from the ashes and is cured.

So, I’d never seen Transformations before watching it on the newly released and remastered Kino Lorber blu ray disc. I watched it in awestruck wonder. It’s so bad that I had to flip the audio to the running commentary track by director Jay Kamen, who funnily enough never directed another feature film again. The comments by Mr. Kamen consistently affirm what any viewer already knows: The movie is horrid, but it’s entertaining to its every fault. The Italian production is sloppy, slipshod, and amateur, the script is the pits, the acting and overdubbing is hilariously bad, and Mr. Kamen is fully aware and as equally appalled by the whole thing as you are as you’re watching it.

The fact that Kino put this film out on blu ray is a testament to how committed to film restoration Kino has been, and while the film looks and sounds great in high definition, the movie is just the worst thing you’ll see all year. It shamelessly lifts special effects from Roger Corman’s space movies from the late 70’s and early 80’s, its score by Richard Band (the best thing about the movie) seems to be lifted from other Empire productions, and the quality control of the film itself is a smorgasbord of bad everything else. But hey: It’s fun to listen to the commentary! Surprisingly, there are other special features on the disc, including on-camera interviews with Kamen and Langlois.


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About the Author

david j. moore

david j. moore is the author of World Gone Wild: A Survivor’s Guide to Post-Apocalyptic Movies and the upcoming book The Good, the Tough and the Deadly: Action Movies and Stars, coming April, 2016 from Schiffer Publishing.