Fun
The Tattoo Connection will never win awards for its story, and there are some truly bizarre moments, but it’s fun, and Jim Kelly is electric whenever he’s on screen.
Plot: Insurance investigator Lucas (Jim Kelly) is in Hong Kong to find who stole a priceless diamond.
Review: Watching The Tattoo Connection instantly reminded me of the stereotype of martial arts movies from the 70s – a lot of exaggerated characters, lousy dubbing, and crazy fights. This movie had it all. It’s wacky, funny, and, in some parts, bizarre.
The storyline is not strong enough to last 90 minutes, which is the movie’s run time. So, what did the filmmakers do? They added some crazy shit like Bolo Yeung spiking a rabbit like a football while complaining about the food the cook made for the gang of thieves. Like an abrupt beginning with no credits where one guy is fighting a bunch of other guys to get his hands on a fat accountant. Like an old man using a loupe (usually used to examine diamonds) to examine a girl’s leg. There’s just some weird stuff in this movie for very little reason.
The dubbing…oh man, the dubbing. Looking at Bolo Yeung, what kind of a dub do you think he’d have? A gruff, angry English dubbed voice? More of a growl than anything? How about…a British accent? Yes, Bolo’s dubbed voice in this movie is definitely from the UK. Because, you know, you look at Bolo Yeung and you’re like, definitely British. Other than that, it’s the usual “None of the voices match the lips, and it’s bad” sort of thing.
For the characters, Jim Kelly is terrific. He enters the movie saying he’s the “black six-million-dollar man.” That’s his intro. He exudes cool. He’s not just a pretty face, though. His character is smart. He deduces who the mole is from the insurance company, and when the girl is trying to poison him, he switches drinks with her. He’s not a stumbling, bumbling schmuck. Other than Kelly, everyone else is typically what you’d expect – the conflicted underling, the evil-laugh boss…Bolo spiking the bunny, though, made him stand out from the other thugs in the movie and was bloody hilarious.
There are a few good fights for the fighting, though, after the strange melee at the beginning of the film, there are no further fights for quite a while. The best was when the two guys took out Fat Dog…man, that was brutal. Fat Dog took a lot of hits before he went down. The martial arts hits sound like they came straight out of a Double Dragon video game – maybe the game got its sound effects from The Tattoo Connection?
There was apparently quite a bit of nudity in this film, but I saw none in the cut I watched – I assume that the prudish censors got a hold of it. It’s disappointing because there are a few attractive girls in the movie. The soundtrack is terrifically upbeat and always energetic, so you sometimes wonder what they’re trying to excite you about. That’s The Tattoo Connection, though; nothing makes sense, and nothing has to make sense.
That’s the truth; you’ll never watch a movie like this. It’s so odd yet fun; it keeps you guessing again and again. Jim Kelly is magnetic; when the fights happen, they’re great (and the final fight sequence is a series of fights across a boat), and it’s just so wacky and off the wall; it’s entertaining as hell. If you want a good representation of cheesy 70s martial arts fun, then I recommend The Tattoo Connection…if for no other reason than to listen to Bolo Yeung lead a bunch of thieves on a sing-a-long.