Here we look at some amazing action superstars who crunch bones and eat anything that defies them for breakfast as well as why they’re not running…
10. Arnold Schwarzenegger
Known for pimping out California and an inspiration for bodybuilders everywhere, Arnie is just the kind of inspiration who puts a shit-eating grin on anyone’s face.
Why he’s not running:
He wasn’t born here so all bets are off on him being elected (as much as he has vowed to try changing that law).
9. Charlie Sheen
Mr. “Tiger Blood” may not be the most sane guy in town but he knows how to have a good time to where one would have to hate life to not have this much insane fun at the countless out-of-control parties he hosts. And America needs to boogie more often, that’s for damn sure!
Why he’s not running:
While there’s not anything embarrassing you could reveal about Charlie that a congressman wouldn’t already have stored away, Charlie prob wouldn’t give enough of a shot to stay in the campaign race or would still be busy settling lawsuits with the countless whores he’s sick of dealing with. As much as he’s praised by comedians and action fans, he’s not “winning” this race anytime soon!
8. Tom Selleck
Tom is the perfect kind of guy who any side can appreciate. Old-school yet civil in his beliefs, a welcoming voice and very structured on his overall practices.
Why he’s not running:
As noble as he is, Tom would rather vote for some other cowboys to take the lead.
7. Kiefer Sutherland
When he wasn’t playing the best federal agent in the world, he was playing the best Independent President in the world. And as far as we’re concerned, it was method acting and he meant every single word of his awesome principles he spoke in many a speech about.
Why he’s not running:
Last we checked, the Kief is Canadian and ineligible to run but if any switch-up happens on the voting rules, he deserves a consideration.
6. Harrison Ford
Another awesome dude who owns ranches and does stunts aplenty, Harrison is built Ford tough. He’s all about everyone living what they love, smokin’ what they smoke and living how they wish. He’s also one of the best on-screen Presidents we ever had.
Why he’s not running:
While Harrison loves flying planes and wrestling cattle, there’s only so much he could do to lasso all the morons in Congress together. He prob would make the whole White House smell of weed and allow it to burn to the ground (as secretly amusing as that sounds on paper)…
5. Dolph Lundgren
An engineer major turned martial artist and actor, watch his TED Talks video is you want some inspiration!
Why he’s not running:
Another dude who can’t run per country born rules. Sucks, I know, these damn rules.
4. Samuel L. Jackson
The original badass motherfucker, Sammie is full of good spirit, blunt humor, a lovely voice and is all about equality, a fair balance for all hard-working peeps and uniting everyone over an awesome game of golf!
Why he’s not running:
Last we checked, Mr. Jackson just is too outspoken to make it through the polls unscathed, let alone get it off the ground to begin with.
3. Steven Seagal
A betrayed member of the CIA, Seagal is a true American patriot who will honor American and unite the troops, hoo-rah!
Why he’s not running:
Due to still being in the Vladimir Putin-Russian spy ring (or working undercover; one of the two!), Sensei Seagal is just in too deep, unleashing his own form of justice (or at least in his head he is) and won’t he able to ratchet up enough votes in time.
2. Joe Estevez
A real lookalike of his older brother Martin Sheen, Joe is all about charm, honor and restoring the old-school American way of life. He also is just one awesome son of a bitch!
Why he’s not running:
Joe doesn’t have time for anyone right now; he’s too busy starring in a dozen other awesome action-horror movies that actually star him as the lead for once.
1. Danny Trejo
A former armed thief who is now beloved by the many communities from which he once stole, Danny is a man with a whole new inspiring purpose due to his positive thinking, faith, humorous take on life and awesome taco shop, while showing that everybody can evolve and find a new purpose in life. Absolutely inspirational- and still a badass!
Why he’s not running:
Due to incarceration, he’s unable to run but one day, Mr. Machete will hopefully make the world his own…
