‘Ello Poppet.
I never loved the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise when it first came out; I’d watched all of the films once in theatres with no real desire to sit through them again. Since moving house, I can barely afford to go out anymore, so I figured I would revisit the entire Pirates franchise to see how it holds up and if I like it more second time around.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
Plot: Capt. Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) arrives at Port Royal in the Caribbean without a ship or crew. His timing is inopportune, however, because later that evening the town is besieged by a pirate ship. The pirates kidnap the governor’s daughter, Elizabeth (Keira Knightley), who’s in possession of a valuable coin that is linked to a curse that has transformed the pirates into the undead. A gallant blacksmith (Orlando Bloom) in love with Elizabeth allies with Sparrow in pursuit of the pirates.
The first movie in the series entitled The Curse of the Black Pearl introduces us to Johnny Depp as the now iconic Captain Jack Sparrow. He may be the “worst pirate you’ve ever seen” and yet he has a knack for getting out of any tricky situation. Using Keith Richards (who appears in the later movies) as his inspiration Depp is quite funny in the role and provides a few laughs but even now, I think he is a bit one note. I always thought Geoffrey Rush stole the show as Barbossa; he even says “Arrggh” a few times, so we know he is a true pirate.
Orlando Bloom plays blacksmith Will Turner who was found at sea as young boy by Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley). The pair are basically in love, but Will never makes a move as he feels inadequate for a woman of her stature. He hates pirates but soon discovers that it is in his blood and that he is the son of ‘Bootstrap’ Bill Turner.
When a group of Pirates invade the town where Will and Elizabeth live, she is captured so Will enlists the help of Jack Sparrow to help save her. What’s interesting is that Jack can never really be trusted; he always has his own agenda but, in his heart, he is a good man… kinda.
Another great character who is one of the true heroes is Gibbs played to perfection by Kevin Robert McNally; he’s loyal and great at his job… even if it is piracy. I totally forgot Zoe Saldana was in this as Anamaria; she is only in this entry then went on to become a huge star in her own right.
I do find that all of these movies are far too long but I did enjoy this entry a lot more with this viewing. I paid attention to the story, and it built up some cool lore which is explored in the later films. It takes a little while for the action to kick in but there are impressive swordfights and battle scenes especially in the second half. There are some amazing practical and CG effects and to this day these movies are an example of how to do visual effects right.
The score from Klaus Badelt (with Hans Zimmer) introduces some fantastic themes and really adds to the excitement of the action scenes.
Overall, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl may be a little long, but it’s still a fun ride with some great characters and humorous moments. The action scenes are truly epic especially some of the sea battles which still look amazing. Now, on to part two…
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006)
Plot: When ghostly pirate Davy Jones comes to collect a blood debt, Captain Jack Sparrow must find a way to avoid his fate lest his soul be damned for all time. Nevertheless, the wily ghost manages to interrupt the wedding plans of Jack’s friends Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann.
I remember hating this movie the first time I saw it and to this day I still think the first hour is almost unwatchable; all that nonsense on the island with the stupid slapstick comedy just isn’t funny. Johnny Depp’s shtick as Jack Sparrow is just annoying now and we’re only 2 movies in.
Thankfully, the second half really picks up once the amazing Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) shows up. He is still the best CG character ever created and looks amazing and unsettling. The Kracken was always a cool monster, and the visual effects are still great too. The story involves finding a chest which contains the heart of Davy Jones, so Jack wants it so he can call off the Kracken and be free of his debt to him.
There is rarely any sense of urgency especially in the insufferable first half, but the action we get is still awesome. The fight on top of the moving wheel is nicely executed and there are some great swordfights.
The music is once again top notch bringing back Jack’s theme and a few new ones too.
This entry also brings in Tom Hollander as the wonderfully hateful Cutler Beckett as well as Naomie Harris as Tia Dalma and Stellan Skarsgård as the tragic ‘Bootstrap’ Bill. I do like the supporting characters in these movies arguably more than the leads. I think Commodore Norrington is a good character because he has a sense of duty and I hated seeing him brought down to the level of the pirates.
It ends with quite the cliffhanger leading into At World’s End which we’ll get to next.
Overall, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest has an awful first hour but once you get past that and Davy Jones appears the film really picks up and we get some entertaining set-pieces. Jack Sparrow is mostly annoying here though and it’s the other characters who keep these movies watchable.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007)
Plot: Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) join forces with Capt. Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) to free Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from Davy Jones’ locker. Meanwhile, the crew of the Flying Dutchman ghost ship wreaks havoc on the Seven Seas. The friends must navigate dangerous waters to confront Chinese pirate Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat) and, ultimately, they must choose sides in a battle wherein the pirate life hangs in the balance.
My abiding memory of At World’s End was how badly I needed to go to the bathroom from about the halfway point, so I barely remember the second half of this movie. It’s funny how the best moments are when Jack Sparrow isn’t on screen. I find him mostly annoying at this stage and the scene where we see him in Davy Jones Locker is so bizarre and boring that it kills the pacing after an exciting opening.
Jack starts to imagine multiple versions of himself and it’s so stupid that it almost ruins the movie. It’s a shame as otherwise this is nearly my favourite entry in the series. The final battle in the maelstrom at the end is still as visually stunning as it was when the film was first released. I don’t know why visual effects seem to have gotten worse since this, but to this day this franchise has some of the best CG I’ve ever seen.
The obvious highlight of this movie is the addition of one Chow Yun-fat to the cast; it isn’t a huge role, but his mere presence adds more gravitas to the whole movie. I like how Elizabeth Swann has actual character development where she is no longer just a damsel in distress but ends up becoming Captain of her own ship.
There are so many betrayals that it’s hard to really like anyone; I never really took to Orlando Bloom’s William, and this entry doesn’t make me warm to him either. Jack is as self-serving as ever and once again it’s Barbossa who is my favourite character. Geoffrey Rush just seems to be having a ball, and I love every moment he is on screen.
Tom Hollander gets one of the most iconic death scenes of all time as he walks in slow motion down the steps of his ship as it explodes all around him. That still looks incredible and is one of the most memorable visuals of the franchise.
This is one of the best music scores of the franchise too as it introduces us to the love theme which stays in my head for days after watching.
Like every other movie in this series At World’s End is too long and you could have cut all that nonsense in Davy Jones Locker at the start as it really takes me out of the movie.
Overall, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End is arguably the most visually spectacular entry in the franchise with some incredible set-pieces and the best finale of the series. It is far too long and you cut easily cut out a lot of the nonsense with Jack in the first half for pacing.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)
Plot: The checkered past of Capt. Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) catches up to him when he encounters Angelica (Penélope Cruz), a beautiful pirate that Jack once loved then left. Angelica forces him to accompany her to the Queen Anne’s Revenge, the ship of the notorious Blackbeard (Ian McShane). Accompanied by a zombie crew, the trio sets sail to find the legendary Fountain of Youth. However, Jack’s rival, Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), also seeks the fountain, as does a ship from Spain.
I remember everyone dumped all over this movie when it came out which surprised me as I liked it more than the first three films. I hadn’t watched it for a few years, so I do see more flaws now, but what I like about On Stranger Tides is that Jack Sparrow actually has something to do. He was always more in the periphery with Will and Elizabeth really the leads before. Thankfully, they are nowhere to be seen in this movie and Jack is at the forefront where he should be; he isn’t even annoying either for the most part. He is tasked by an ex-lover (Penelope Cruz) to join her and her father Blackbeard (Ian McShane) to find the Fountain of Youth which is where we really left off at the end of the third movie.
This entry is the first not be directed by Gore Verbinski and you can tell as it is smaller in scale never quite feeling as epic or weird as previous entries however, I like the more intimate story and it’s far less convoluted. There are fewer characters here with Jack and Barbossa doing their thing and Penelope Cruz is always welcome anywhere at all.
Ian McShane is on fine villain form and other new cast members include Sam Claflin as the religious Philip who is maybe the most pure hearted character in the series. He believes everyone can be saved (including Blackbeard) and it gives the film a bit more depth exploring themes of redemption.
The score from Hanz Zimmer is easily my favourite of the franchise especially the Mermaids theme which is wonderfully creepy yet beautiful.
Like I said, the scale is smaller here, so in terms of action it’s mostly just sword fights and a few explosions with nothing overly spectacular occurring.
I do love the little cameo from Dame Judi Dench which I totally forgot about.
Overall, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides lacks the scale of previous entries but I like it because Jack Sparrow isn’t annoying and actually feels like a proper character rather than just comic relief. The music is awesome and this is one of the shortest movies in the series which is no bad thing as it never overstays its welcome and has enough action to keep things moving along nicely.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)
Plot: Thrust into an all-new adventure, a down-on-his-luck Capt. Jack Sparrow feels the winds of ill-fortune blowing even more strongly when deadly ghost sailors led by his old nemesis, the evil Capt. Salazar, escape from the Devil’s Triangle. Jack’s only hope of survival lies in seeking out the legendary Trident of Poseidon, but to find it, he must forge an uneasy alliance with a brilliant and beautiful astronomer and a headstrong young man in the British navy.
And so, we come to fifth and final entry in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise – Dead Men Tell No Tales AKA Salazar’s Revenge. Widely regarded as the weakest entry in the franchise I’d probably agree but I still enjoyed it, and I think it wraps everything up nicely in the end.
There has been talk over the years about a new movie, possibly with Margot Robbie, but that never materialized and I’m happy with that. Five movies are more than enough for any franchise, and I feel like the audience’s appetites have since moved on. It’s been nearly ten years since this move, so maybe create something new instead? Audiences seem to like that judging by this year’s box office.
Anyway, on to my thoughts on the film; Jack Sparrow is more of the buffoon again in this movie, so I stand by that On Stranger Tides is the best he’s been as a character in the series.
What this entry does have is arguably the best villain in Captain Salazar played to perfection by Javier Bardem. Where Davy Jones almost had us sympathize with him in the third movie due to his tragic love story with Calypso, Salazar is just a good old-fashioned piece of shit. He wanted to rid the world of pirates, and he nearly did until a young Jack Sparrow tricked him to his doom. Salazar returns as a ghost vowing revenge on Jack, but a McGuffin called the Trident of Poseidon can end any curse of the seas including Salazar’s.
New cast members include Kaya Scodelario as Carina Smyth and Brenton Thwaites as William and Elizabeth’s son, Henry Turner. They all have to work together to get the trident and stop Salazar once and for all. Orlando Bloom and Keria Knightley show up briefly and it’s nice to see their story resolved and even with a tease at the end that Davy Jones may live I don’t feel like there are any more stories to tell here.
The action is fine, but nothing that really stands out until the imaginative finale with the sea split in two. We get the usual sword fights and a few battles. There is also a nice villainous turn from David Wenham AKA Faramir although he is a little underused.
The script isn’t the greatest although I did like the running joke about the donkey.
Geoff Zanelli provides the score giving us the familiar themes which work well even if there isn’t anything that matches the Mermaids music from the previous movie.
Dead Men Tell No Tales is directed by Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg who bring back the sense of scale that was missing from the last entry. It feels quite close visually to Gore Verbinski but his style can’t really be matched as he had an eye for weird visuals even if he didn’t know when to end a scene.
Overall, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is an entertaining finale to the franchise and although the film isn’t amazing everything is wrapped up nicely, so there are no major loose ends. It has some enjoyable action set-pieces but they are probably the least memorable of the series.
I’m not sure which movie I like the most as I don’t think any of them are perfect, but I do like On Stranger Tides and a lot of At World’s End, especially the spectacular finale. All the movies are fun, escapist nonsense and I enjoyed them more than ever as watching them all together, I remember various storylines and character moments. What do you think of the Pirates movies? Do you hate them? Love them or don’t even care?